Bok Hoon the Giver

On a quiet Saturday afternoon, I found myself sitting down and having a good read of a moving story from our writer / volunteer Bok Hoon.  Without me knowing it, tears are running down like mad… is it because we share a similar background?  Is it because of her single parenting story that touched my heart?  I realised… and totally agreed with her reflection, ”Things that seem impossible can become possible if you persist in walking in that direction long enough.” 
 
Let’s start with Bok Hoon’s story with her single parenting journey: ​

“I was officially a single parent about a decade ago but has operated as a single parent since Day 1 as my ex was always not around.   When the going got tough with looking after the kids, handling the chores while having a demanding full-time job, I had silent meltdowns. I was not able to bring myself to share my downs as it felt too shameful and depressing.  
 
Fortunately, I love the outdoors and enjoy going to the library.  These are the two places I would bring my kids during their growing up years.  Going outdoors helped greatly with lifting my spirits as well as ensuring my physical and emotional health. I read somewhere that although we may not remember everything we read, what we have read stays with us and becomes part of us, just like the fertilisers becoming part of the plants. I was inspired and comforted by the many motivating authors, most of whom I would never get to meet. I did get to meet three of them during the book signing session: Nick Vujicic (an Australian author) Yang Hong Ying (a Chinese Children’s book author from China) and You Jin (a Singaporean Chinese author).  

I was fortunate to be staying near my parents and was blessed with many wonderful friends and colleagues.  I was in a profession that required me to help people every moment on the job.  I think that is how helping becomes second nature for me. 
 
We had to live frugally because the ex was always in need of financial aid and we had to survive on my meagre single income.  It turned out to be a blessing in disguise, my kids survive with having little wants and work during the school holidays to finance their tertiary education. ​

After the divorce was official, I took my three kids on a 15-day Nepal hiking trip.  Throughout the hike, I was always slower than all my kids, even my youngest (who just turned 10 during the start of the trip). I was amazed at how they managed the terrain as I struggled through the slippery and rocky terrain.   
 
In fact, I learnt quite a bit from each of them.  I am humbled and proud of these moments. 
 
When my elder son started to attend childcare centre, he would come back and talk about his friends, always using positive terms.  For example, ‘XX is obedient, YY is very good at...’  Inspiring moment from my two-year-old toddler: focus on the good in people. ​

During a trip to the Tree top walk, I noticed my 4-year-old girl squatting and peering at something.  It turned out that she has learnt that the web a spider spins is for trapping insects.  She wondered if the insect could escape after being trapped.  She put an ant into the web and found that the ant was stuck and did not move at all.  She tried with a second ant, it moved a little for a while and stopped moving.  She went on with two more.  The fourth struggled and struggled and was freed from the trap.   
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We talked about it and after that, I shared this story with my students with the following learning points. 1. When you don’t put in any efforts, nothing will happen, like the first ant.  2. If you don’t give up, you can be saved, like the fourth ant. 3.  Teamwork works! I think the second and third ant have laid the foundation to make it easier for the fourth ant to be freed. The second and third ants left the web too. ​

Inspiring and proud moment for me to see my four-year-old showing me how ‘not taking things at face value’ can lead to surprising conclusions. 

My younger son has always been saying that he wanted to break a record since he was about 8.  While I did not want to be a negative parent, I really thought it was quite impossible.  I just told him he could try and find something he is good at and practise hard.  He asked me to buy him a hula hoop and started practising. He went on to email the person in charge of Singapore book of records and asked for a chance when he was 10.  He really got a chance to do it and appeared in the 2013 Books of Records for spinning the most number of hula hoop in a minute.  It was an inspiring moment to see my 8-year-old on his path to achieve his ‘moment of fame’.  Lesson learnt from him: Things that seem impossible can become possible if you persist in walking in that direction long enough.” 

There is no doubt that Bok Hoon has the biggest heart and giving is part of her DNA!  Her love and dedication for her children is endless, and it actually spreads across to our work supporting the children of Cambodia.   

When it comes to the reason of giving so much to PeopleStories and other charities, Bok Hoon shared with much sparks in her eyes, ”A friend introduced me to Vic last May.  Helping the disadvantaged kids to move ahead in basic education is something close to my heart. I told Vic then that I have not tried writing for any newsletter but I thought I could contribute being an editor.   ​​​

The most memorable moment for me will be digging up my grandpa’s story, which is my first contribution to the newsletter.  Vic has the knack of drawing out stories from just one or two sentences of a conversation. I have since interviewed some of our students, teachers and volunteers. Each encounter is a learning experience for me. 
 
Having spent much time in the nature, I have signed up to be a volunteer with NParks.  I have participated in the butterfly watch, dragonfly watch, garden bird watch, Invasive species management session, beach patrol and seed picking session. ​

A friend started to organise beach clean up after she observed a turtle moving back to the sea without laying eggs when it found the beach too dirty.  I started joining her two years ago and recently joined her SG Beach Warriors planning committee.” 
 
When it comes to unconditional love, nothing compares the love between parents and their children, and vice versa in Bok Hoon’s case.  When I heard that Bok Hoon has given up her job in order to look after her mum, it was touching.  She shared, “My mom started having quite a number of medical appointments towards the end of 2018.  After discussing with my kids, I decided to resign from my full-time job so that I could bring her to her medical appointments.  My kids and I go to my parents’ place almost daily to have dinner with them.  
 
Last year, my mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer and needed to have a surgery.  I cooked for her daily after her surgery. It was tiring for me to be buying ingredients and cooking two meals daily.  
 
As I went through the motion, I reflected on my mom’s life. My mom not only cooked two meals daily, but also did all the household chores while raising the six of us.  I remembered my mom cooking porridge for our breakfast before we set off for school. She took up odd jobs, like sewing assignments, washing clothes for the bachelors in the neighbourhood and babysitting. When we grew up, she started taking care of the grandkids.   ​

She didn’t have any break, like I do.  I have time to read, hike and meet up with friends. I didn’t realise how tired I was until I found myself literally dozing off while walking home through the park.  In fact, once a lady cyclist stopped in her track to check that I was alright.  I am amazed that my mom could get so many things organised.  She would have been a very efficient employee if she had the chance to receive education.   
  
Bok Hoon has been part of our PeopleStories Family more than a year now and my friendship with her has grown so much.  I have lots of respect for Bok Hoon especially to her ‘Sleep and Walk’ unique talent!   
 
When she was asked, “What is the one advice you would have for other mums doing tough out there?”…she said, “Whenever you are faced with a difficult situation, ask yourself which course of action you wish your child would take if he or she were to be in the same situation.  Then, choose to do that yourself.  Every mother wants the best for her child.  When you put your child in that same situation, you will definitely reach the best decision for yourself too.” 
 
I so look forward to my next meet up with Bok Hoon.  Perhaps she will take me for a hike this time, literally! ​